“Talking Hillary Blues” Bootleg Surfaces: Trump Goes Apeshit Firing All Blondes (Except Ivanka)
According to a source close to KellyAnne Conway, a bootlegged recording of “Talking Hillary Blues” from the rumored ‘Basement Tapes’ was delivered to Trump Tower via strange and mysterious channels. Subsequently, both KellyAnne and Tiffany Trump were fired by the President-Elect through a barrage of irate tweets. A source close to Tiffany claims the tweets were spellchecked by a ‘braggadocious’ Ivanka.” Chelsea Clinton also seen shopping at Tiffany & Co. on Fifth Avenue.
Talking Hillary Blues (The Basement Tapes):
Talking Hillary Blues Lyrics
Artist: Hillary C.
Album: The Basement Tapes
Vocals and Lyrics: Hillary C.
Guitar and Sax: Bill C.
Produced by: WTF?! Records.
Recorded in Chappaqua, New York. ? 2016.
Mamma said if you wanna get tough, gonna tell you what to do
Gotta stand up to bullies, make’em black-n-blue
Big Girls Don’t Cry in this here house
Or run and scream when they see a mouse
You punch first, then offer’em a plate of cheese, and crackers.
Was a Goldwater Girl, just playin’ it cool
Drove west of Boston, learned a thing or two
Got so steamed that I made a speech
‘Bout a Washington man I’d soon impeach-
Senator. Check it out, Life, 1969. Me in bold striped bell-bottoms.
Well, the Republicans got mighty mad
I switched parties then, Man, I was glad
I said, “We don’t want reconstruction,
Want human change, and reproduction-
or all women
Before that I moved down to Arkansas
They said, “Little Lady, we don’t like your kind,
Take off those big ol’ glasses and turn your mind-
off”… They said that, dye your hair, too, and bake some cookies.
Well I did that and more, even changed my name,
Rodham to Clinton, yeah, I played their game
Got called everything from slut to bitch
Was a nutcracker, and dominatrix
Hickory nuts, and somethin’ nasty, danglin’ between my…
I was First Lady when I made a case,
Healthcare for all, in this crazy place
I just grit my teeth and went back to town,
And back to the drawing board. Sticky posts, highlighter pens.
Coupla years went by when an open seat
in New York State, where I had to beat
The former mayor, who pulled out quick
And a representative tryin’ to be slick
All up in my personal space, sorry Rick. Score Hillary.
Well, people say that I laugh too loud,
My voice is shrill and I scare the crowd,
But let me tell you a thing or two-
Gotta speak up in this here zoo.
Well, the time was ripe to make a run
Grab a pantsuit (or two) and have some fun
Pinned a big ol’square brooch upon my chest
And made an historical bid to be president,
Of these here United States, of America. Score Obama.
Lost again, 2016–
Whose face got orange from fake suntans
Yeah, when I caught pneumonia, he called me wussy
While those greasy palms were out grabbing p****
On a bus, full of virgin Bush, braggin’ and poppin’ Tic-Tacs.
Now people say that I don’t relate
But I hafta’ ask not sayin’ the words
Are women here held to higher standards?
Touched a nice ceilin’ tho, even if the Gods were against us.
Thanks for the view, Michelangelo.
Some people think I ditched forgotten folks
That I was a crooked lady and can’t tell a joke
But, Man, a campaign in stormy weather
Made it hard to believe we are ‘Stronger Together’
There’s plenty eIse I can do , like those boys told me back at Harvard.
Hey Bill? Yeah Hill?
What’s that you said about me at the DNC?
“Well, you are the best darn change-maker that I ever did see.”
Let’s ‘round up the dogs, Bill, and the grandkids, and go hiking yander…
Ok Darlin’, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander?
Well that depends on who you’re talking to,
If you’re a man on the fringe, well, maybe that’s true,
With a baseball cap, and red tailcoat,
Popular that is. Ringmaster. Full of hyperbole, “Believe me,” “Bigly,”
“Step right up, folks.”
Just say it boy, and repeat it again,
Maybe the lies you tell will soon sink in
When you spend as much time in this here life
You learn a thing or two- one, all is rife
With contradiction. Nothin’ shiny ‘bout this city on a hill.
Buncha’ clowns in shiny cars and suits, and gold toilet bowls.
Well, I said it once and I’ll say it again,
The time is right for all women,
To take the bull up by the horns
And march on in ta’ this Game of Thorns
Better buy a bullet-proof vest, tho, and hire that girl, what’s her
name Bill? KellyAnne. But don’t bother with a private email server,
they’ll burn your heels at the stake. Go braless, too, and don’t get too
mad, or laugh too loud, or study too hard. Or catch a cold. (Sneeze)
Or ever give up on this great country of ours.
Thank you America! Thank you.
Why Talking So Blue, Hillary?
Given the post-election disappointment (especially for blue states) the Blues seemed the most ‘exigent’ and appropriate form in which to interpret what my exploration and synthesis assert about ‘Hillary’ archetypes and the ongoing folklore of women.
The lyrics loosely adhered to the ‘Talking Blues’ form of a verse with two rhyming couplets followed by an unrhymed fifth line, which offers a wry and subjective political observation. I synthesized the form and classroom posts into the lyrics then channeled Hillary’s righteous indignation of losing the 2016 election through her mostly ‘pathetic’ rhetorical appeals. By giving Hillary a post-defeat ‘character voice’ (and a private, uncensored defense) I hoped to re-frame her historic campaign and legacy through her eyes, and bring to light the oft-ignored theme of ‘sexism in politics’. In the process, I also ‘learned a thing or two‘ about rhetoric- especially delivery.
Despite the shoddy production value, the fact that I am not a singer-songwriter or musician (but neither is Hillary) I tried as best I could to speak like her, but in the folk spirit and rural ‘codetta’ of the Talking Blues form. Bill is a musician (the short saxophone riff at the end was, in fact, Bill Clinton improvising at the 40th Anniversary of the Newport Jazz Music Festival) though my actual music accompaniment, Tom Dybek, is not only a gifted guitarist, but also a dear friend. The guitar also ‘converses’ nicely with the lyrics and provides a ‘call and response‘ dialectic that functions as a form of musical rhetoric, and it too evokes (in this case) satiric pathos. Thanks Tom, for helping me with this project!
Interestingly, there were few female Talking Blues for me to emulate on this task though I did find Lucille Bogan aka Bessie Jackson who ‘straight talks the blue on sloppy drinking and prostitution’. It felt apropos that even a ‘folksy’ Hillary would venture, yet again, into mostly male-dominated territory. Here’s hoping the future folklore of women will honor Hillary’s achievement, but for now, I’m still talking blues. So read on…
Hillary’s Picks for The Holiday Blues
‘Tis The Season- For Progressive Donation
Check out this ingenious post from esteemed writer & editor Carol Schatz Papper “A Woke Christmas Gift List For Liberal Santas” and follow her blog!
Still Feelin’ Blue?
Writers & Poets & Rappers, oh my! Talking Blues
“to-trump-voters” an essay by Rudi Latour
“The Health of Us” a new poem by Claudia Rankine
“after-the-election-i-dreamed” a poem by Marysol K.F.
“bloodletting-the-white-lady” a poem by Dana Trupa
“Trip Down Hillary Lane” a rap by my classmate wordsofthewall
Images via Google/Getty Images